Co-Workers That Give Too Much Personal Information
There’s one in every office. Usually a female, this co-worker seems to think EVERYONE has come to work only to hear about what is new in this person’s life. Shockingly, this person most likely has the least interesting life in the entire office. The need for them to share useless information about themselves is clearly part of some kind of inferiority complex. Even their own families can’t put up with them, so they take it to the only other place where people are almost guaranteed to stay - the work place.
What makes a person think that going to WORK consists of gossip involving yourself? Nobody wants to hear about you breast feeding plans, or how many beers your husband drank before he jumped in the car. The redneck wedding that you’re planning while you are still married? Nobody gives a rat’s a$$ about it. Here’s an idea - let’s find a place where all of these people can and should go. Wait, there already is a place for them: the unemployment line. Think about it, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we just canned these do-nothing useless pieces of desperation?
Unfortunately, life isn’t that easy for all of us. So we’ve come up with a list of responses that should get you off the hook when confronted by an ignorant self-absorbed co-worker:
- When pouring a cup of coffee, “spill” onto the floor and proclaim that the coffee’s out - you must make a new pot
- Ask more personal, insulting questions that will either offend them or scare them off. Example: They talk about breast feeding. Ask them to show you how it’s done by using your breasts (this works for both men and women).
- If they are secretaries, call the office phone number from your cell in your pocket whenever they leave their office to talk to you. This is one of the most effective means we’ve found yet.
- Start talking about your latest bowel movement.
- Simple: “Get me a cup of coffee, bitch” (again - works for both men and women)
- After about five minutes of acting very interested, say “you know what, something similar happened to me….” Then pause and stare uncomfortably. This takes time, but the payoff is good.
- Run away - even if it means leaving work. For added impact, scream “OH MY GOD” and then sprint
- Use frequent interruptions of “I don’t care” until they finally shut up
- Look down at the floor and make absolutely no eye contact
- Tell them how horrible their life is and how good your life is.
